Dear Matt...

Happy Anniversary, Boo.

I wish you were here with me.

I miss you so much.

My heart hurts so much.

I just want to be with you.

That's all I ever wanted.

I feel so cheated.

I don't think I can ever be happy again.

Not until I am with you again.

So, please, Boo, don't leave me hanging...

I love you

Me

Dear Matt...

Sorry I haven't written lately.
I guess I just like talking to you.
I love you Boo.
And Miss you.
I went to visit your parents.
Boy, do I love them.
I can see you in them.
I picked out your headstone.
I think you would like it.
No one thinks I should get a double headstone,
even though that is my first inclination.
Everyone thinks I'll get married again.
Ha!
Little does anyone know that you were it for me.
You are my love, my heart.
I can't see anyone else squeezing in.
No one will be you.
And you are all I want.
So I guess I just have to wait till I see you again.
But I just want you to know that I love you so much.
So very much.
For always.
For Ever.
Me

Dear Matt...

I started my application process for BYU.

I started crying as soon as I submitted it.
I don't know why I did.
I guess I'm crazy.
:)
I just know this is a big decision.
One I'm not sure of yet.
But I'm so scared, Boo.
I'm so scared of not knowing what is ahead of me.
I thought that whatever was ahead of me was going to be OK
because I was going to be with you.
But know you're gone.
And I'm still here.
So lost.
Waking up to Nothing.
Cuz that's what I have left without you.
Nothing.
I miss you terribly, Boo.
Please don't forget me.
Me

Dear Matt...

Boo, please be there for me when I need you.
Please don't forget me.
I am trapped in a fog of Unknown.
I don't know what I am supposed to do.
Where am I supposed to go?
Please don't leave me.
Me

Dear Matt...

I'm so sorry.
So sorry for everything.
Sorry for not making you happy.
Sorry for making you angry.
Sorry for not helping you.
Sorry for not being what you needed.
So sorry.
So sorry.
I love you.
Me

Dear Matt...

Finally.
You're finally mine for all Eternity.
It was a bittersweet day, Boo.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Your parents came down from Utah, as well as all of your siblings.
I bought a new dress.
The most expensive dress since my wedding dress.
It was so pretty.
A sherbet orange, with color on color polka dots.
Megan did my hair and put some beautiful orchids in it.
I, of course, wore waterproof mascara.
Ellen made be a beautiful bouquet of Spider mums and Hydrangea.
I felt like a bride all over again.
It was a beautiful day.
But you weren't there, Boo.
You weren't there to hold my hand
To make a silly face
To kiss me
To hold me so tight and squeeze the breath out of me.
It was supposed to be us.
It was your hand I was supposed to hold
Your face I was supposed to see in the mirror along with mine.
I know you were there in Spirit.
I know you are happy.
I promised you I would not leave you alone.
And I won't.
I will see you soon.
And I'll get to hug you
and touch you
and kiss you
and never have to be a part from you again.
Not ever.
Oh, Boo, I love you so much.
I am so grateful to have this blessing, for it eases my pain a bit.
Not a lot, but at least I know that the Lord will reunite me with you again.
I hope I don't have to wait long.
I'm not afraid of death.
We all have to face it sooner or later.
And after it has come, there you'll be.
I love you.
So much.
For ever.
I'll see you soon love.
I Promise.

Me

Dear Matt...

If I should die before I wake

It's 'cause you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with no air

I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
Wish there was a way that I can make you understand

But how do you expect me
To live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
That's how I feel whenever you ain't there
There's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
There's no air, no air

I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew
Right off the ground to float to you
There's no gravity to hold me down for real

But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care

So how do you expect me
To live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
That's how I feel whenever you ain't there
There's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
There's no air, no air

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
That's how I feel whenever you ain't there
There's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
There's no air, no air

Do you expect me
To live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
That's how I feel whenever you ain't there
There's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
There's no air, no air

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air

No air
-Jordin Sparks

Me