Dear Matt...

So another day goes by without you.

I still have to choke down my tears.

I just don't want people to worry.

But, Boo, you are going to be a hard act to follow.

I just don't think there will ever be anyone else in my life.

I'm not talking about low self-esteem crap.

I'm just talking about facts.

I've only gone out with four guys in my life including you

and none of them every liked me as much as I liked them.

No chance.

I tried, and maybe I tried to hard, I don't know.

But then you came along, and you liked me.

Enough to contemplate a future with me.

Enough to marry me.

I was so scared when you first brought up the idea of marriage.

I honestly had given up hope.

There you sat across from me, and looking me in the eyes, you said we should take this to the next level.

"Holy Crap" I thought, just staring at you.

I couldn't help it.

I started crying.

You loved me.

Despite everything, you loved me.

Despite me not driving.

Despite me being a slob.

Despite me not knowing what to do with my life.

Despite me not being pretty, or slim, or well-spoken, or intelligent....

You loved me.

And now you are gone.

And I feel so alone.

I feel like I'm just living in a world with muted colors.

Everything is just slightly darker.

I feel slightly darker.

I hate living without you.

I hate it.

I hate it.

I hate it!

You were always so patient with me.

You helped me with everything and never made me feel stupid or like I was an inconvenience.

You made time for me.

You loved me.

Who knows, I might find "love" again, but no one will love me like you did.

No one.

I was so lucky.

So blessed.

Now...I don't know what I am.

I just don't know.

Me