Dear Matt...

I got my new computer yesterday. AND I set it up all by myself!!

I was so proud of myself.

I know you would have been too.

I'm finding one of the hardest things is not having you to do this sort of stuff anymore.

I always took it for granted. You took care of all the electronics.

OK, let's face it: you took care of more than just that.

You took care of me.

I love you so much for that.

I always expected to take care of myself, but I got so tired.

It's hard, motivating yourself and at the same time not believing in yourself.

But you, you made me feel so secure.

And loved.

And I wanted to take care of you.

I loved taking care of you.

I just loved being with you.

Boo, do you know how much my life was better because you were in it?

I knew I could grow old with you.

I knew I could love you, all of you, all the time,

even those moments when I didn't like you very much.

You always knew how to upset me.

But you always knew how to love me.

It's hard to go to sleep.

It's hard to be alone.

But I need to be alone.

And I need to cry.

My soul needs to mourn for what we could have had,

given more of a chance.

We were supposed to grow old together.

Me